Don Bradman
Better statistical analysts than me* have plotted both the decline of Covid-19 cases in the UK and the reduced frequency of #flattenthecurve blog episodes** and have noticed a strong correlation between the two.
Now we all know that correlation does not mean causation, but at the very least it is a strong coincidence and if continuing the blog means an increased risk to public health, it's a risk I'm not willing to take.
And so, in a move that I know will likely cause some disappointment (possibly) I have to announce that today's episode is the penultimate one.
Critics may say this is nonesense and I've just grown bored with it over time, and while there may be an element of truth to this, the 'in pursuit of public health' thing sounds far more grand and noble so I'm sticking with it.
Reader: But why not make this one the final episode?
Me: Well I can't end it all so tantalisingly close to 50, it's like Donald Bradman knowing he could ending his career on a batting average of 100 but saying 'nah, 99 and a bit is good enough for me.'
Reader: Didn't Don Bradman fail, and fall just short of 100?
Me: Yes, but ...
Reader: So you're going to call this your penultimate episode but fail to deliver a final episode?
Me: No! I'm not going to miss the 50 and be judged on a narrow failure rather than extensive and long term international success.
Reader: Don Bradman was a failure?
Me: No no, I ... Ok, poor choice of analogy. Maybe ...maybe I just don't want it to end on an odd number?
Reader: Well why even bother with this one, cos the last one was number 48 and that's an even number
Me: ..... erm
Reader: ha!
Me: ....
Reader: and do you have grand plans for a final episode extravaganza?
Me: ... please stop
Reader: you don't, do you?
Me: ... (** swears under breath)
Reader: what was that?
Me: ... I said I'll try to think of something.
Reader: good, cos we've sat through 49 episodes of this nonesense and want something good to come of it!
Me: something has come of it, the curve has flattened!
Reader: and that's because of your blog?
Me: well ... no, not exactly
Reader: so pull your finger out!
* I'm not a statistical analyst. I couldn't be even if I wanted to be as I struggle to pronounce the word 'analyst', it always comes out with an extra 'al' sound, and while analalyst, to my mind, sounds much better, it would I feel be somewhat career hampering.
** Not really, artistic licence used for dramatic effect
Weather
It's been hot. Too hot.
I have neither the complexion nor the hairline nor the BMI for hot weather.
I do Iike the blue sky, the sun and the absence of a cold wind blowing in from the North sea, I just like to enjoy it from the comfort of a nice quiet shaded spot in the garden. And there are no nice quiet shaded spots in the garden, because all the nice shaded spots in the garden are within earshot of the kids. And the kids are never quiet.
Thinking about it, all of the garden, the house and most of the street is within earshot of the kids, so maybe a nice shaded spot that isn't quiet is all I can hope for?
Weather 2
I've slept really badly recently as the wife thought the best way to keep cool was to stomp around the bedroom at 1am complaining about how hot it was.
She then switched the fan on, wrapped herself up tightly in a thick duvet and snored her way through the rest of the night, but apparently I'm the unreasonable one for suggesting a thick duvet is not the best way of staying cool on a hot night.
And then the kids burst into our room, argued loudly between themselves about I have no idea what and then burst back out the room upset that we didn't want them bursting into the bedroom arguing. Kids. Pfft.
Weather 3
To make the most of the 'mini heatwave' (or nice spell of warm weather as all non-tabloid journalists call it) I've decided to take Friday off. The forecast for Friday is now thundery showers. Of course.
If anybody else had Friday booked off before me, I can only apologise.
Campervan
We tried the campervan out last weekend. We didn't camp in it, but we took it out, lost things in the cupboards, scratched the bumper on a rogue pebble (that nobody owned up to knowing anything about) and spent time trying to work out how the hell the electrics work (you flick a variety of switches until you get lucky and land on the right combination), where the rattling was coming from (the fire extinguisher) and how to make sure the fridge door stays shut when you go round corners (you wedge it shut with the small bit of kebab stick left especially by the previous owners).
It's been great fun so far, and exactly how we imagined it!
The van is however much quieter than the one we hired years ago and so I can still hear the kids squabbling, bickering and generally causing an annoyance in the back, so I feel a little let down in that respect, but overall things are looking good.
School
Henry found out who his new form teacher for Year 7 is going to be. They stick with the same form teacher all the way through secondary school, 5 years with Henry will be ... character building. Good luck Miss Curry.
Henry is excited to meet her, mainly because I've told him I know her naan. Nobody gets detention on their first day, right?
Now we all know that correlation does not mean causation, but at the very least it is a strong coincidence and if continuing the blog means an increased risk to public health, it's a risk I'm not willing to take.
And so, in a move that I know will likely cause some disappointment (possibly) I have to announce that today's episode is the penultimate one.
Critics may say this is nonesense and I've just grown bored with it over time, and while there may be an element of truth to this, the 'in pursuit of public health' thing sounds far more grand and noble so I'm sticking with it.
Reader: But why not make this one the final episode?
Me: Well I can't end it all so tantalisingly close to 50, it's like Donald Bradman knowing he could ending his career on a batting average of 100 but saying 'nah, 99 and a bit is good enough for me.'
Reader: Didn't Don Bradman fail, and fall just short of 100?
Me: Yes, but ...
Reader: So you're going to call this your penultimate episode but fail to deliver a final episode?
Me: No! I'm not going to miss the 50 and be judged on a narrow failure rather than extensive and long term international success.
Reader: Don Bradman was a failure?
Me: No no, I ... Ok, poor choice of analogy. Maybe ...maybe I just don't want it to end on an odd number?
Reader: Well why even bother with this one, cos the last one was number 48 and that's an even number
Me: ..... erm
Reader: ha!
Me: ....
Reader: and do you have grand plans for a final episode extravaganza?
Me: ... please stop
Reader: you don't, do you?
Me: ... (** swears under breath)
Reader: what was that?
Me: ... I said I'll try to think of something.
Reader: good, cos we've sat through 49 episodes of this nonesense and want something good to come of it!
Me: something has come of it, the curve has flattened!
Reader: and that's because of your blog?
Me: well ... no, not exactly
Reader: so pull your finger out!
* I'm not a statistical analyst. I couldn't be even if I wanted to be as I struggle to pronounce the word 'analyst', it always comes out with an extra 'al' sound, and while analalyst, to my mind, sounds much better, it would I feel be somewhat career hampering.
** Not really, artistic licence used for dramatic effect
Weather
It's been hot. Too hot.
I have neither the complexion nor the hairline nor the BMI for hot weather.
I do Iike the blue sky, the sun and the absence of a cold wind blowing in from the North sea, I just like to enjoy it from the comfort of a nice quiet shaded spot in the garden. And there are no nice quiet shaded spots in the garden, because all the nice shaded spots in the garden are within earshot of the kids. And the kids are never quiet.
Thinking about it, all of the garden, the house and most of the street is within earshot of the kids, so maybe a nice shaded spot that isn't quiet is all I can hope for?
Weather 2
I've slept really badly recently as the wife thought the best way to keep cool was to stomp around the bedroom at 1am complaining about how hot it was.
She then switched the fan on, wrapped herself up tightly in a thick duvet and snored her way through the rest of the night, but apparently I'm the unreasonable one for suggesting a thick duvet is not the best way of staying cool on a hot night.
And then the kids burst into our room, argued loudly between themselves about I have no idea what and then burst back out the room upset that we didn't want them bursting into the bedroom arguing. Kids. Pfft.
Weather 3
To make the most of the 'mini heatwave' (or nice spell of warm weather as all non-tabloid journalists call it) I've decided to take Friday off. The forecast for Friday is now thundery showers. Of course.
If anybody else had Friday booked off before me, I can only apologise.
Campervan
We tried the campervan out last weekend. We didn't camp in it, but we took it out, lost things in the cupboards, scratched the bumper on a rogue pebble (that nobody owned up to knowing anything about) and spent time trying to work out how the hell the electrics work (you flick a variety of switches until you get lucky and land on the right combination), where the rattling was coming from (the fire extinguisher) and how to make sure the fridge door stays shut when you go round corners (you wedge it shut with the small bit of kebab stick left especially by the previous owners).
It's been great fun so far, and exactly how we imagined it!
The van is however much quieter than the one we hired years ago and so I can still hear the kids squabbling, bickering and generally causing an annoyance in the back, so I feel a little let down in that respect, but overall things are looking good.
School
Henry found out who his new form teacher for Year 7 is going to be. They stick with the same form teacher all the way through secondary school, 5 years with Henry will be ... character building. Good luck Miss Curry.
Henry is excited to meet her, mainly because I've told him I know her naan. Nobody gets detention on their first day, right?
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