Should I include Annual Leave days? I'm really not sure. Time is becoming more of an abstract concept anyway, the children are beginning to forget what school was, while bed times and meal times are now based on a vague series of gut instincts and the movement of the big yellow ball in the sky.
WFH Week 5 of x
Easter Holidays
Well I hope everybody had a a good Easter, and is keeping fit and well and healthy?
WFH Week 5 of x
Easter Holidays
Well I hope everybody had a a good Easter, and is keeping fit and well and healthy?
My heartfelt sympathy goes out to any fellow chocoholics, it's a tricky time for us. I manage my affliction most of the year through abstinence and a strict avoidance of the treats and snacks aisle at the supermarket, but at Easter and Christmas things become more difficult.
This hadn't been helped this year by the wife discovering (and accidentally buying in bulk) the most delicious chocolate in the world ever: Lindt Cherry and Almond. Life may never be the same again.
P-p-p-pick up a Penguin
The wife has discovered Edinburgh Zoo's live penguin cam. The wife loves penguins, which is apparent as she shrieks "look, look at their flappity little arms!" every now and again. I don't have the heart to tell her they are wings, not arms.
On a day trip to Edinburgh zoo a couple of years back I had to physically remove her from the penguin area after the zookeepers threatened to file for an injunction on behalf of an admittedly rather cute Gentoo penguin chick.
Sadly the chick was abandoned to fend for itself. I'd had enough of its persistent car sickness by the time we were passing Berwick on the way home.
Penguin cam has given me an idea though and I've started work on a Joe Exotic inspired drama 'Penguin Emperor' (see what I did there?) Netflix are already showing interest, I just need to develop a convincing Carole Baskin-esque arch nemesis to my anti-hero lead character, Anne Tarctic.
Penguin cam update - the wife is concerned that the Rockhopper penguins, quote, "look a bit chilly."
Facetime
We've had to have words with Henry, he seemed genuinely surprised that wandering into the bathroom to ask a question whilst Facetiming his friends is not acceptable.
If it happens again I'm going to have to confiscate his phone for a while. I know he's only young, but he needs to understand that thoughtless actions can have serious repercussions. I've spent a lot of time and effort building up my online clientele, I can't afford to just give away freebies to whoever's he's blathering on to.
Odd Conversations
Do you ever have strange, disjointed conversations with your significant others? Yeah, me too. Quite often, and with increasing frequency it seems. This morning for example ...
The Wife: Andrew, do you get stabbing pains across your chest?
Me: Er, no. Do you? Are you feeling ok?
The wife: (Fiddling with something hidden by her side) how about now?
Me: What? How could I ... you're weird.
In other news, the wife has taken up sewing. She hasn't mentioned it as such, but I found her pincushion earlier. What's really nice is that it's in the shape of a baldy headed bearded fella, it must remind her of me.
Silly Cyclist
Disappointing news on the cycling front, my left hand gear shifter (and apologies if the terminology isn't quite right here) is knackered. Or buggered. One of the two. Perhaps both.
Whatever the correct wording, it was definitely not working properly when I went for a longer ride the other days, so the next morning all bright eyed and bushy tailed and full of enthusiasm I decided to fix it.
I cautiously unscrewed the shifter from my bike frame, opened it up and spent the next few minutes picking up all the cogs, springs, metal bits and lumps of plastic that had bounced all round the back garden.
I did eventually get it put back together, after cleaning it out, and only had one spare bit left. The spare bit looked fairly inconsequential, but as it's now not working at all it seems the left over bit was far from inconsequential. It was therefore both consequential, and indeed sequential.
A bit of a gear related joke for any mechanically minded people out there. It (the joke, not the hear shifter) may well not work very well, I'm just vaguely aware that sequential gears are something mechanical.
Stick and Fire Pit
I invented a game for the family today. Sports aficionados may consider it a poor mash up of rounders, baseball and cricket, but they'd just be sour because they didn't think it up first.
One player, the thrower, stands near a flat football in the middle of the garden and throws the tennis ball at the fire pit. The stickist stands near the fire pit with their cheap knock-off baseball bat and has to attempt to prevent the ball hitting the firepit.
This went quite well until the wife joined us, at which point she proceeded to smash the ball into Henry's ribs, thigh, arm and so on. Henry soon lost interest (unsurprisingly, seen as his mam seemed to have it in for him) and started to play keepy-uppy with the flat football, which prevented the stickist (still the wife) scoring a run. Her own fault really.
Eva was surprisingly good for a short arse with poor hand eye coordination.
If you want to play at home you need:
- one flat football
- one fire pit (unlit, preferably)
- one blue and red tennis ball
- one plastic, orange foam covered mini baseball bat
- one barbecue (to lose the ball under and gift the wife an extra run)
- one trampoline (to keep the other child busy, who has seen their mam smash the ball off their brother and is worried she'll be next in line).
I won our game, I'd look pretty stupid if I invented a game and then failed to win the first one, wouldn't I? Especially as I was, er, 'refining' the rules as we went along.
And Finally
Big news from the Victory household, after a burst of household chore energy on Tuesday afternoon we've caught up with dishwashing. Or rather, the dishwasher has caught up with us.
It's always nice when that happens.
This hadn't been helped this year by the wife discovering (and accidentally buying in bulk) the most delicious chocolate in the world ever: Lindt Cherry and Almond. Life may never be the same again.
P-p-p-pick up a Penguin
The wife has discovered Edinburgh Zoo's live penguin cam. The wife loves penguins, which is apparent as she shrieks "look, look at their flappity little arms!" every now and again. I don't have the heart to tell her they are wings, not arms.
On a day trip to Edinburgh zoo a couple of years back I had to physically remove her from the penguin area after the zookeepers threatened to file for an injunction on behalf of an admittedly rather cute Gentoo penguin chick.
Sadly the chick was abandoned to fend for itself. I'd had enough of its persistent car sickness by the time we were passing Berwick on the way home.
Penguin cam has given me an idea though and I've started work on a Joe Exotic inspired drama 'Penguin Emperor' (see what I did there?) Netflix are already showing interest, I just need to develop a convincing Carole Baskin-esque arch nemesis to my anti-hero lead character, Anne Tarctic.
Penguin cam update - the wife is concerned that the Rockhopper penguins, quote, "look a bit chilly."
Facetime
We've had to have words with Henry, he seemed genuinely surprised that wandering into the bathroom to ask a question whilst Facetiming his friends is not acceptable.
If it happens again I'm going to have to confiscate his phone for a while. I know he's only young, but he needs to understand that thoughtless actions can have serious repercussions. I've spent a lot of time and effort building up my online clientele, I can't afford to just give away freebies to whoever's he's blathering on to.
Odd Conversations
Do you ever have strange, disjointed conversations with your significant others? Yeah, me too. Quite often, and with increasing frequency it seems. This morning for example ...
The Wife: Andrew, do you get stabbing pains across your chest?
Me: Er, no. Do you? Are you feeling ok?
The wife: (Fiddling with something hidden by her side) how about now?
Me: What? How could I ... you're weird.
In other news, the wife has taken up sewing. She hasn't mentioned it as such, but I found her pincushion earlier. What's really nice is that it's in the shape of a baldy headed bearded fella, it must remind her of me.
Silly Cyclist
Disappointing news on the cycling front, my left hand gear shifter (and apologies if the terminology isn't quite right here) is knackered. Or buggered. One of the two. Perhaps both.
Whatever the correct wording, it was definitely not working properly when I went for a longer ride the other days, so the next morning all bright eyed and bushy tailed and full of enthusiasm I decided to fix it.
I cautiously unscrewed the shifter from my bike frame, opened it up and spent the next few minutes picking up all the cogs, springs, metal bits and lumps of plastic that had bounced all round the back garden.
I did eventually get it put back together, after cleaning it out, and only had one spare bit left. The spare bit looked fairly inconsequential, but as it's now not working at all it seems the left over bit was far from inconsequential. It was therefore both consequential, and indeed sequential.
A bit of a gear related joke for any mechanically minded people out there. It (the joke, not the hear shifter) may well not work very well, I'm just vaguely aware that sequential gears are something mechanical.
Stick and Fire Pit
I invented a game for the family today. Sports aficionados may consider it a poor mash up of rounders, baseball and cricket, but they'd just be sour because they didn't think it up first.
One player, the thrower, stands near a flat football in the middle of the garden and throws the tennis ball at the fire pit. The stickist stands near the fire pit with their cheap knock-off baseball bat and has to attempt to prevent the ball hitting the firepit.
This went quite well until the wife joined us, at which point she proceeded to smash the ball into Henry's ribs, thigh, arm and so on. Henry soon lost interest (unsurprisingly, seen as his mam seemed to have it in for him) and started to play keepy-uppy with the flat football, which prevented the stickist (still the wife) scoring a run. Her own fault really.
Eva was surprisingly good for a short arse with poor hand eye coordination.
If you want to play at home you need:
- one flat football
- one fire pit (unlit, preferably)
- one blue and red tennis ball
- one plastic, orange foam covered mini baseball bat
- one barbecue (to lose the ball under and gift the wife an extra run)
- one trampoline (to keep the other child busy, who has seen their mam smash the ball off their brother and is worried she'll be next in line).
I won our game, I'd look pretty stupid if I invented a game and then failed to win the first one, wouldn't I? Especially as I was, er, 'refining' the rules as we went along.
And Finally
Big news from the Victory household, after a burst of household chore energy on Tuesday afternoon we've caught up with dishwashing. Or rather, the dishwasher has caught up with us.
It's always nice when that happens.
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