#flattenthecurve Episode 34

Super Hero Tuesday

Eva's Tuesday was mostly spent wearing a large hand drawn picture of a beef burger pinned to the front of her t-shirt and a white cape marked with the letters 'BB' pinned to her shoulders. Well, the shoulder area of her t-shirt not her actual shoulders, pinning it to her actual shoulders would be a little cruel.

And why shouldn't she dress like a beef burger superhero if she wants to? We're only young once after all. It's the kind of thing that 7-year olds can get away with, whilst us adults would draw unwanted attention from unusual passers by.

So where did the BB inspiration come from? Well, the story began early on our morning walk when the kids ran past me bickering, as they so often do. This time it was about the correct way for superheroes to fly. Of course. Eva was preferring a two arms pointing forward simultaneously technique, while Henry was insisting it was one arm forward only.

I kept my head down as I really didn't want to get involved with this one, but they ignored me ignoring them and demanded an answer: Henry trying out his new stern look, Eva her pleading puppy dog eyes.

I whipped out my trusty 'How to be a Dad' book hoping for an answer, but it was no use; its superhero section neglected to offer a solution to the correct flying technique conundrum with which I was now faced. And of course no such book actually exists.

So, though it pains me to say it, I panicked. Instead of repling with one of my stock answers such as 'I don't know, ask your Mam' or distracting them with an 'are you sure you've brushed your teeth' type question or just ignoring them, I replied "it depends which super hero you are talking about."

Schoolboy error.

The remainder of the walk was then a discussion about which Super Hero each of the kids would be. All I wanted was some peace and quiet, but I then had to referee ridiculous arguements about whether a 'Gherkin Launcher' (Eva's idea) was a better weapon than a 'Gherkin Gun' (my suggestion).

We finally decided upon the following:

Eva would become Super Beef.

Super Beef's weapons would be a gherkin gun, red sauce rocket launcher, laser seeds, burger grappler and cheese goo.

We do regularly call Eva 'Beef'. The etymology is quite simple: Eva became Eva Beaver (because it rhymed) which became Beav' (because Eva Beaver is quite a mouthful) which then became Beef, so the name worked quite well really.

Quite why her Cape had a large BB written on it when her initials would be SB was never properly explained. I suspect it was a mistake, but she'd never admit that.

Henry would become Super Hen.

Super Hen would be more stealthy than the weapons-heavy Super Beef and would only carry his Hen Dispenser, a weapon designed to fire (yep, you guessed it) hens. Not just any hens though, miniature explosive hens and miniature mad pecking hens.

We didn't get much of a chance to discuss Super Dad, other than Eva thought he could maybe 'try to make people laugh'. Ah well.

On the plus side, there wasn't a single complaint about how far we had walked.


Visitor?

Later, when I ventured downstairs for some lunch, there was a strange woman in the kitchen. I did vaguely recognise her, but couldn't quite put a name to the face so I kept my distance just to be on the safe side.

After a while it dawned on me, it was the wife! Her hair being done and her having make up on really threw me. I thought she must be after something and it turned out I wasn't far wrong.

After a few minutes she flitted off upstairs with a little wave. After warning the kids to stay downstairs I followed her to the bedroom where she sat on the bed smiling demurely and waiting patiently for proceedings to commence.

"Shhh" she warned me "everybody is on line and I don't know how to mute the call".

She saw my confusion, so added "My work video call? You forgot, didn't you?"

"We, no ... cup of tea?" I mumbled, before traisping back downstairs.