#flattenthecurve Episode 36

The Chills That You Spill Up My Back

I was reminded this weekend of an event that occured whilst the wife was pregnant with Henry, or 'it' as we referred to him then as we didn't know whether it was going to be a boy or a girl and so hadn't chosen a name for it.

As the episode paints me in a bad light you can probably guess who reminded me of it, but if not I'll give you a hangman style clue: Th_ Wif_

The event centred around the fairly inauspicious dessert, Angel Delight. Specifically, the wife's Angel Delight. The wife craved Angel Delight, probably would have killed for Angel Delight if she'd had to, and came very close to killing somebody for depriving her of Angel Delight. That somebody she nearly killed was me.

To this day I'm not entirely sure how it happened, I was probably trying to be funny. Perhaps wind her up. But somehow, for some long forgotten reason, I took the Angel Delight out of the supermarket trolley, it didnt end up going back in the trolley and the missing Angel Delight wasn't spotted until we got home.

In her version of events, the episode ended with her standing in the kitchen sobbing, quite literally bawling her eyes out, due to the lack of Angel Delight in the house. A pregnant woman deprived of the one thing in life she craved at that moment.

In my mind the episode came to an amicable end when I nipped to the Spar for a packet, but the wife refutes this version of event.

This may seem a very minor event, and I'd agree, but it's clearly something that has scarred the wife as she reminds me of this event nearly as often as she reminds me of the unfortunate tin of peaches bouncing off her head in Asda incident, but that's another story for another day.


Something of a Phenomenon, Telling Your Body to Come Along

Eva has developed her own guide to the measurement of bike riding ascents and descents, dispensing with the more common percentage gradients you see on road signs, or the older but still in use '1 in x' approach. She has a five step method that is as beautifully simple as it is illogical:

1 Too scary (any down hill section steeper than a 10% drop, but with the notable exception of a section 5 descent)

2 Flat (any down hill section less than 10%)

3 Up hill (any surface that is flat, or any down hill section that is less steep than the immediately preceding down hill section)

4 Too hard (any incline at all)

5 Why not Dad! (any section that is so steep it could feature on an episode of 'World's most dangerous bike rides'. Typically, a section 5 slope is identified by Eva pausing briefly at the top of a ridiculously steep drop before I point out she'll probably kill herself if she plunges down the near cliff in front of her, sparking fury that I have the temerity to prevent her from causing herself serious bodily harm.)


Oh, No, No You Can't Disguise

The wife thinks I am using too much artistic licence in my semi-autobiographical blog.

She said this whilst bungee jumping naked off the Burj Khalifa tower, shortly after completing her Ironman triathlon in world record time.

I disagree.


And The Lyrics?

"The chills that you spill up my back"
Groove is in the Heart, Deee-lite

"Something of a phenomenon, telling your body to come along"
White Lines (Don't Do It), The Sugarhill Gang feat. Grandmaster Flash

"Oh, no, no you can't disguise"
Little Lies, Fleetwood Mac