#flattenthecurve Episode 43

The Rules of Parenting

The kids made the most of the beautiful weather on Wednesday morning by sitting in their bedrooms. They were being quiet though, so we didn't disturb them - first rule of parenting, pick your battles.

This made me think of all the other rules of parenting we probably all follow without realising, so I wrote a few down as they came to me.

1. Pick your battles. If you picked up on everything your kids did or said that was wrong and tried to correct it you would combust. I tried, it wasn't pretty.

2. Learn when to turn a blind eye to screen time. Weekend mornings, for example, sleep is important for parents too.

3. Develop a noise that can be used to respond to inane questions that doesn't confer any approval of whatever it is they are whittering on about but gives the impression you are paying attention (my favourite is erhummm).

4. Check what The Wife has said before agreeing to anything, The Wife is always right even if (in fact, especially when) she is wrong.

5. Always have snacks available. See point 6.

6. If in doubt, Haribo. But never Tangfastic, they are mine.

7. Keep your behaviour expectations low. Really low. Lower. Yep, that low. Unless you are shopping, then anything goes.

8. Kids cannot clean behind their finger nails. Just accept this and move on.

9. You can never ask a child to brush their teeth just once. Instead, you have to ask them to brush their teeth, then ask them again, then tell them you're sick of them wasting their time and yours and tell them to brush them properly. They won't brush them properly, but it buys you a few more minutes to finish your brew.

10. Some people forget how much hard work babies are. Remind these people, repeatedly. You're only allowed one slip up here. People with 3 or more kids: I'm sorry, I should have shared this earlier.

11. Always have fresh fruit available, the kids won't touch it but it makes any visitors think you are really health conscious parents.

12. Never ask a child what they have done at school that day. They will deny having done anything, having ever been to school or even knowing what a school is.

Any other parenting rules I have missed? Be sure to let me know!

I, of course, was a perfect child, so have had to learn these things the hard way.